I have just got out of hospital again, another 5 am journey to A&E with the Rev.He is getting used to it, I say at least we are too old for it to be a maternity visit! We leave a note for the two teens and dinner money, but he usually gets back for them.
It seems that when I am asleep that my pulse which is quite low anyway, slows enough to allow my heart to begin it’s chaotic dance. Not too uncomfortable but not good for my health either. So I spent a couple of days getting a few chemicals into my blood stream, and now I’m home again.
In hospital, the monitor checks all your vital signs, nursing staff put their heads around the door occasionally and Doctors dish out cheerful advice. Your “meals”, if I can call them that, ( why give heart patients chips? do they want me to stop coming back? and WHERE are the veg, half a tomato is not veg!) arrive regularly and all you think about in this utopia is when you you get home.
As I tottered up and down to the loo from A&E, feeling that the right to make my own decisions had been taken away ( some times necessary when you are a stubborn old bat like me), I saw a large notice saying “Way Out”, I had a wicked urge to leg it, but I wouldn’t have had the energy anyway.
We are really blessed in this rural area with a Community Hospital ,staffed by our G.P.’s and permanent nursing staff who on the whole are lovely and efficient.( The nurse and I who locked horns over my broken metatarsals last year have now become friends and laugh about the incident.
The staff and I are getting to know each other well, and I have no doubt that I will need Bed and Breakfast there again in the future.
It is good to be home , though I dread falling asleep, wondering If I’ll get woken early with flutterings. As there is nothing that I can do, I am learning and it’s not easy, to put myself into God’s hands. One of the things I did learn at CLAN, was relaxing into prayer, this was at one of the seminars,apparently a practice used by Monks in times gone by. (The other members of the audience tottered of to commune with nature and practice after the initial instruction, but I was too tired) . Anyway, this is something I am practising and it does help even an old sceptic like me.
Breathing and praying in rhythm is very calming, and helps focus on what you are saying to God. Which when I am in panic mode comes out something like ” Why are you letting this happen , you know I have to get the kids to school, I don’t want to get old, have a stroke or die yet!!!!!” I’m sure God listens to this just as much as the others but we live in a fallen world, I will get sick just the same as other folk. . At the moment the treatment is coming through medication, he has given me caring knowledgeable G.P’s, and I cannot escape this situation any more than anyone else. There is no “Cure”, it is something I have to live with.I also have to come to terms with the fact that I may not live into my 90’s, but can hopefully avoid a stroke.(my worst fear!)
But God cares for me on a personal level, he is interested in the minute details, from a room where I could see trees instead of other buildings,to blood being taken by folk who could do it painlessly! And a myriad of other things.
“As Christians ,we have the gift of the Holy Spirit which makes us whole. No matter what the flesh is going through,the spirit can still praise God. Spiritual health is an inner peace, a sense of wholeness no matter what our physical bodies are going through. A healthy spirit thinks positively and focuses on success. within illness you can find wholeness and strength in faith”
Taking pills does not mean that I don’t trust God to heal me instantly, although I believe that he could. But God has supplied us with the gift of many health giving plants, and has given us knowledge to use them and other chemicals ,to make us well. And just be thankful like me, that we don’t have to take this body with us! Looking forward to the new one Lord, but not just yet please!………..
The photo shows how wards were when I was a student, AND I had a uniform like that! I pinched it from “Tigerish Waters” Blog.