Dear Jim at The Jobcenter,
Thank you for your letter informing me that Christmas will muck up your payments to me, I had guessed as much. I understand that you and your colleagues won’t be working over Christmas, but I was puzzled that you have asked me to sign and post my declaration on the day it’s due.
Hands up which Postman Pat is doing the collection Christmas Day? Noone? Sorry Jim they are not working either, and would there be any one in your office to open it on Boxing Day if it were to arrive.
Thank you for page 2 of the leaflet, I suppose that page 1 wasn’t necessary, it says that information about signing arrangements are over the page, they are not Jim. There is no “over the page”
This paragraph has me thinking “Although your payments may be sent early, they will not be treated as overdue until three working days after your normal attendance day.”
If they are being sent early Jim, how can they be overdue? Do you mean if I have to post my form after Boxing day, it won’t be overdue? I have quite a good command of the English language Jim, but you have to admit ,this is a bit mystifying. You warn me that if I don’t get my form there on time I may find my account closed, I will do my best, I could sign it early and send it but that would get your feathers all ruffled wouldn’t it.
Well enjoy your Christmas dinner Jim, we will too if the money turns up,
Love, J (or Madam as the letter says, although that line of work doesn’t appeal to me Jim.)
By the way you forgot to sign the letter.