Letter No. 2 please. (Jim)

Dear Jim at the Job Centre,

Oh Jim you did cheer me up this morning when I received your latest letter. I laughed so much, you should have been there.

I got three photocopied pieces of A4 Jim ,titled “Skills to succeed Academy”. It has a very nice looking young man on it, I’d guess he’s around 19. You tell me Jim, (I hope you don’t mind me calling you “Jim”, Jim, I shall try to interject your Christian name as often as I can, as your employees do mine.) ( And what’s good enough for you Jim….)

These pieces of paper tell me that the programme is to help” young people” like me, what flattery Jim, choose the right career and find and keep the right job. I hate to tell you but you are a bit late Jim, I had my career and I kept the right job for nearly 30 years!

But thanks for calling me “young” Jim, I collect my bus pass in a few weeks and I was beginning to feel a bit older. It tells me on one sheet that I can have a go at “engaging with the videos,quizzes,activities and the mobile app”,I don’t have one of those phones Jim. It suggests that it is a “flight simulator” for workers! Do you think that I could be a pilot Jim?

I did try to have a little go on your web site Jim, but the access code you gave me doesn’t seem to work, also if you click on a similar site that has an h in the web address you can enrol in an American academy that will help you get to university Jim!

When I have time, I’ll have another go. I have been looking for work, Jim, but it seems the only jobs available around here are in “Care for older people” (unless I know something about Marine Fisheries), and I’m not that far off their age Jim. I have enough trouble getting my own housework done with these knees  and I only have my bike to travel with. Although I could use my bus pass I suppose.

I’ll keep looking though, and maybe I’ll be able to stand like that young man in the photo ,with my thumbs up. By the way Jim, do you need help with your photo copying? It’s best to put the paper in the right way round. The boy on the reverse doesn’t look so good that way up- or maybe he’s just trying out the flight simulator.

I’ll keep looking then  Jim, can’t wait for your next communication,

Best wishes, J.


6 thoughts on “Letter No. 2 please. (Jim)

  1. The stuff of nightmares. But you write well. Perhaps see if someone will pay to publish. (I was going to add your Christian name there but I might sound like the jobcentre!)
    Hope the right thing comes soon, perhaps along with your bus pass. x

  2. Now all you need to do J, is to send it electronically of course, to Jim. Honestly, I do wonder whether we and ‘they’ inhabit the same planet.
    Officialdom in all its various guises is a fearsome thing. Their ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach is absolutely soul-destroying.
    Hoping and praying that things turn your way soon.

  3. Well, well, well … another gem; your reply I mean.
    Methinks jobcentres are the same the world over; pretending to help when in actual fact they don’t really want folks to get a job, because, they would lose theirs!
    Just thinking about you publishing some of your gems … have you contacted your local newspaper for a weekly spot? Maybe you could use a non de plume … I suggest “Jim”.
    Seriously though, best wishes for a job that you would enjoy, even if means using your soon to be awarded bus pass.

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